When The Shine Wears Off

Book blogging has been a whirlwind for me. I went for it and I found a community I can’t imagine not being part of. I hit my goals of getting ARCs digital and physical, doing bookstagram, and occasionally looking at booktok.

Yet, it’s been no secret that I’ve struggled in this world and my own since the unplanned move back to the States during COVID-19. And Covid itself.

First and foremost was the depression of being somewhere I didn’t want to be and I most decidedly still don’t want to be here. This isn’t the area I would have picked but spawn is happy and has made friends and we have family so I should count myself lucky.

Only that my mental health paints the picture best; I wasn’t reading, I wasn’t listening to as much music, I was akin to Miss Havisham, all I needed was some mouldering wedding cake and to be waiting for my groom who doomed me lol.

I have to make light of it as it’s my way of dealing with it.

I did notice something though, the shine of book blogging had faded, and not that it was so old hat to me but it wasn’t bringing me joy, the community was but not the activities I personally had done to participate and I chalked it up to mental health. Which was true for the most part.

The other part? The shine wore off with me trying to view myself as someone successful; trying to keep up with everyone. I needed ARCs to be a real book blogger, I needed to preorder everything under the sun, all the book boxes and special editions, and preorder incentives.

I was collecting books without really processing what I was putting on my shelves because I’d been overwhelmed and retail therapy sang its sweet song to me lol. Fill the void, or attempt to, literally.

I am so much more comfortable going into 2024 as The Caffeinated Reader on my blog site; I am confident I will keep it up to the minimum I want to. I no longer feel the pressure to get followers or be successful, ARCs never colored my perception of other bloggers so it shouldn’t affect how I view me. I could get them if I wanted, but I want to focus on books I own, or find at the library. I want to write reviews and hope that someone else might find them useful or want to talk about these books with me. I’m looking to keep up the connections and interactions with those who have been so patient and supportive of me. If there’s some sort of ‘rat race’ in this community, then it’s not for me.

I will continue to overbuy books, it’s nothing new, but I’m not concerned on having every pretty edition, of reading everything before it hits the shelves, and keeping up with the Joneses.

Last year I read more than I had in a couple of years, because I’m not the sort of person who does well when I measure up my numbers with others, I get in my own head and stop trying. I threw out my arc lists, I didn’t request anything I had an inkling I might change my mind on reading, and I read books on my shelves that have been waiting years for me. I read books that came with my boxes, I read library books…and I’m happy!

Maybe with everything I’ve been through there’s some calm coming again, but I look forward to embracing being back and giving you all the same ‘lackluster’ reviews I always have lol.

This is not a reflection on anyone else and how they do their bookish mojo, it’s a self-reflection only and knowing what I’m capable of and what makes me happy. I’m in awe of those who keep up with every aspect of the bookish world and those who found their niche, I love you all so much and I’m just still finding my place.

The question is…